


A Light In The Dark (no longer abandoned)

by The_Unnamed_Writer



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Autism, Autistic Spencer Reid, Canon Autistic Character, I don't know, Im writing as I watch so, Love from the team, Maybe a schedule, Some Swearing, also Elle is here because I miss her, before the show got super complex, i was bored, irregular updates, kinda Reid/Hotch but not really, meltdowns, quarantine fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24136498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Unnamed_Writer/pseuds/The_Unnamed_Writer
Summary: Frustration in a person on the spectrum isn't always shown in the best of ways, as Spencer Reid will prove in the many times he melts down.---No longer abandoned because I got fifty new chapter ideas for this at three am on a tuesday night after a bad experience with.. less than legal substances. Yay.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 212





	1. Chapter 1

There have been many times Spencer Reid has suffered a meltdown, more so in his childhood. As an adult, he learned to manage his emotions better - well, not much better, but enough to be mostly meltdown free. Since he started working in the BAU, though, he's discovered things can get a lot more stressful than he thought, with the constant threat of an unsub and the mountains of paperwork that followed. So it's no surprise when one day he just can't deal with it, and his mind presses the emergency button.

Elle was the first to notice his stranger-than-normal behavior. Reid was hunched over a stack of papers that were probably weeks overdue, mumbling something about 'what sort of question is that' and 'even with an eidetic memory I can't remember that'. His left hand fidgeted while his right hand twirled a fountain pen around and around, never writing anything on the paper. Reid just stared at the page, reading it over and over as if it would make recalling some obscure fact easier. 

"Reid? Want some coffee?" Elle asked hesitantly, unsure if she was interrupting a genius process or not. Spencer jerked his head up, opening his mouth to respond but having no words come out. "Coffee, coffee, want some coffee? No thanks," he blurted out, looking just as surprised as Elle. "So... no?" She clarified, but Reid had already gone back to staring at something on his desk. With a shrug and a glance towards Hotch, who'd been overseeing the entire thing, she walked off to get a cup and try to finish off the last of her own work.

"Reid, you can take a break," Hotch said, walking down to meet the younger man. Spencer shook his head. "Break, uh, I can't, too much br- work. Work." Hotch nodded slowly, pulling up a seat. "You clearly aren't working, so at least have a conversation with me. Tell me something I don't know," he prompted, getting comfortable in the standard, crappy office chair. Reid's eyes wandered for a moment and he opened and closed his mouth a few times before shrugging. "I don't- I don't know," he said quietly.

What happened next was something Hotch was somewhat prepared for; after all, Gideon had told him before Spencer joined the younger man was autistic and occasionally had meltdowns that could get violent, as well as how to calm Reid down. As the younger man whined and started to smack his hand against his forehead, Hotch scooted closer, holding up his hands to show he wasn't going to touch him. "Reid, don't hit or I'll have to restrain you. Take a deep breath, come on," he spoke calmly, confidently, in hopes of spreading his tranquility onto Spencer.

It seemed to do the opposite, though; instead of calming down, Reid began to pound into his forehead with both hands, letting out a series of whimpers. Hotch easily caught his fists and pulled Spencer against him, quietly shushing him as he writhed in an attempt to escape. "Spencer, I can't let you go until you calm down. Take some deep breaths," he explained, loosening his grip enough to make the younger man comfortable(ish) but not enough so that he could escape. He emphasized each breath to subtly make Reid copy him and, hopefully, calm down.

After another minute or so, Spencer's writhing slowly began to slow, and only the occasional whimper or gasp escaped his lips. Hotch adjusted his grip so he was instead hugging the younger man, applying pressure on spots he knew would calm the younger man. Soon Reid was slumped in his grasp, his eyes barely open. "Tired," he slurred hoarsely. Hotch hummed in response, helping Reid sit up. "I'll drive you home. Text or call me in the morning so I know you're okay, Reid," he instructed as he handed Spencer his bag. The other man only nodded, exhaustion filling his every feature.

With a content sigh, Hotch helped him out to the car, driving Spencer home quietly. When he pulled up to the man's apartment complex, though, he realized Reid had fallen asleep on the drive there. Briefly Hotch debated whether or not to wake him, but as he reclined in his own seat, he realized it would be counter-productive to wake him up and basically carry him up and place him in bed; what was the harm in letting him sleep for a few hours?


	2. Mexico

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid never liked travelling before the BAU, but the more he went on planes and trains the more accustomed to it he got. In fact, the most stressful part for him was after they landed, since he knew social interaction was inevitable and the weird looks he got would be engraved in his mind forever. It didn't help that Mexico was full of loud and boisterous people who like touching and blasting music and doing just about everything else that Reid hates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, I forgot about this fic for a long time. And then here I was, scrolling through some of my old and unpublished fics, when I found this. And, more importantly, I found the comments on this fic, which made me write a Morgan and Reid chapter because why not.

Planes. Reid had never liked them with their roaring engines and the way your ears popped. Of course, travel was a very common thing for him in the BAU, so he grew to tolerate it. He would be lying if he said it didn't stress him out, though.

He'd never been to Mexico before. He'd watched movies filmed in Mexico and listened to his mother describe it, but he'd never been overly interested in it before. It seemed like a never-ending party to him, and he hated parties. A lot.

By the time they landed, it was dark out. Reid was glad for it -- a little sleep after a flight would ease up on his stress and anxiety about a new place, after all -- but it seemed like the rest of the team would've rather gotten to work first. 

Apparently, the hotel was only a few blocks away from the airport, so Hotch figured they could walk to it. Plus, being a Friday night, there were probably too many people on the streets for a taxi to get through. That last fact made Reid a little fidgety since people were obviously not his strong suit, but Hotch seemed to be leading the way, so he figured he'd be fine.

It wasn't three minutes into their walk that Reid got seperated from them. There were people all around him, pushing him in, splashing liquids if mysterious origins on him -- he hated it. He wanted to get out, to scream, to curl up in a ball, to hit something, but there wasn't even enough room for him to raise his hand up.

"Reid!" A familiar voice yelled over the music. Morgan. "I don't know where everyone else went. Let's try to get out of this crowd, okay?"

Reid tried to nod. It was like he was locked in his body for a few painful seconds until Morgan noticed asked, "Are you okay, man?"

He finally nodded and choked out a yes, following his colleague through the hordes of people. Somehow they ended up in a spot that was quieter and free from most people, and that was when Reid finally crumbled.

He squeezed his arms around himself, shutting his eyes as tightly as he could until it hurt. He ran a hand through his hair over and over again, anything to calm down. 

"Reid, what's going on? Let me in, man," Morgan told him, trying to pry at his clenched fists.

"N-no! Stop it!" Reid shouted at him, his breath coming in quick little gasps. 

"What can I do, Reid?" Morgan finally asked, standing a few feet away. 

"Too loud, too loud," Reid eventually stammered, gritting his teeth. Morgan nodded carefully, trying to think of anything that would block out the noise. Slowly, Morgan placed his hands over Reid's ears, exhaling a small sigh of relief when the younger man started to relax.

Over the next few minutes, Reid slowly relaxed, finally feeling calm enough to let Morgan remove his hands. It was then that the others stepped out of the crowd, walking quickly towards the pair.

"Is everything okay?" Elle asked, looking between Reid and Morgan. The latter of the two nodded, smiling at her.

"We're all good. Got seperated in the crowd, is all," he explained briefly, glancing at Hotch. The older man nodded approvingly before clearing his throat and peering down the path Morgan and Reid had found.

"This looks like it leads to the hotel. Probably faster, too. Good job finding this," he commented, flashing a smile at Reid before starting to walk down it.

Reid, even though he was exhausted and emotionally drained, felt a spark if happiness when Morgan decided to walk beside him. He'd never been sure if they were friends before, but for some reason, in that moment, it felt right to call what they had friendship. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too happy with this one, to be honest. I'll probably end up redoing it this weekend when I don't have the stress of school and all, or I won't. I don't know. Feel free to tell me this chapter was crap and why because I do appreciate the feedback. It helps me be a better writer, you know?


	3. Update

Well. It's been a while since I've looked at this fic, or even been on AO3. Once things started to get bad last year, I guess I just gave up. I really appreciate all the encouragement I've got on this fic, but it's time to leave it. I've tried writing a few chapters, but I'm really not that interested in Criminal Minds anymore, so I'm not going to force out chapters about something I'm not even that interested in anymore. I will be starting a new fic with a Daredevil/Gotham crossover because why not, so if you're interested, the first chapter should be up sometime today or tomorrow. As for this fic, I bid it farewell. Thanks to everyone who supported me. Your comments were oftentimes the only thing keeping me going. Goodbye! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A frustration meltdown (aka the one I experience like every week).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey... how y'all doin'...
> 
> Readers: *hard glare*
> 
> Yeah. Well. Let's get into this. I do want to add I'm not all that into Spencer stuff anymore, well, I mean, I kinda am, since I'm writing this, but I relate a lot more to Hotch (personally). So if this is sucky, sorry.

This case had been harder than most others. The unsub picked victims seemingly at random. There was nothing that connected any of them. Different sexes, different looks, different ages. _Nothing._ The more Spencer sat staring at the files on his desk, the more frustrated he got. And the more frustrated he got, the angrier he got, and the angrier he got, the less he wanted to take a break. Morgan and Hotch had tried to pry him away from the files several times, but he refused; he didn't need a break, he needed a solution.

That frustration reached a boiling level far too soon, and without a second thought, Spencer flung all the files off his desk and stormed off to pout in the bathroom with an angry, "This is stupid!"

Once his anger partially dissipated, the tears came. He couldn't solve this problem, and it was so annoying, so upsetting, and yet he couldn't do anything to help. It was stupid and embarrassing and dumb but he didn't know what else to do other than cry about it because ~~the American gifted education system sucks~~ there wasn't anything else he could do.

It took Hotch fifteen minutes to find him, but he was still just as frustrated, if not more so, because he was still thinking about the case. About the victims.

"Reid, do you want to come out?" Hotch said quietly. Reid sniffled and stayed silent.

"Are you having trouble with the case?"

Another sniff. "...Yes."

"We can help you with it if you ask, Reid."

Silence.

Hotch sighed, leaning against the sinks. "You need to take a break."

"No, I don't. I need to solve the case," Spencer said defiantly. "Then I'll feel better."

"And you think pouting in the bathroom is being productive?"

Sniffle.

"Reid?"

"I'm not _pouting._ I do not _pout._ "

Hotch chuckled. "You very much do, Reid. Why don't we go get, I don't know, donuts?"

Reid sniffled once more before unlocking the bathroom stall and stepping out.

"Fine. But I'm not taking any other breaks-"

"-until you have another meltdown? Sure, let's see how that goes. I'll take you for a break every two hours," Hotch finished. When Reid began to protest, he added, "Non-negotiable, Spencer."

And so, they went to get donuts, and soon, Spencer forgot all about why he was frustrated. It didn't matter anymore. Plus, once he got back from his non-break, he solved the case -- with the help of his team, of course. He finally figured out that asking for help wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it would be.


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everything around you comes crashing down and you don't know how to handle it, what do you do?
> 
> Lock yourself in a conference room and cry until someone breaks down the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one night. Feels good.

Everything was so very wrong, but Spencer had no idea how to fix it. How to fix anything. He spilled his coffee, broke his comb (before he could comb his very messy hair), broke a picture frame of his mother, father, and himself, and about a billion other things that annoyed him and made him want to scream.

So that's kind of what he did.

He locked himself in a conference room and cried, stimmed, and did whatever made him feel a tiny bit better because the world was loud, bright, and annoying and he needed a _break._ And a new coffee.

He started banging his head against the wall, repeating the word 'elaborate' over and over because it made his mouth feel funny, but in a good way. His head was hurting but his mind felt better so he kept banging and banging until it wasn't just his head that was banging, it was the door too. Derek had kicked it down.

Derek and Dave were on either side of him, one of them sliding a hand between his head and the wall, and the other starting to guide him through a breathing exercise. His mind was too overwhelmed to differentiate between the two of them; they instead became Daverek.

After five minutes (more like fifteen), Reid was somewhat calmer. He stopped banging his head and his breathing was no longer putting him in danger of passing out. He closed his eyes, overcome with a wave of exhaustion. Dave and Derke helped him to his feet and dropped him in Hotch's office (the owner of which was surprised when the pair dumped Reid on the couch). Hotch would take care of him now, and Derek could put some ice on his bruised hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short. I thought I was going to write more but I just finished a 3k word chapter on my other fic (I'm not crying, you're crying; y'all should check it out, it has the BAU in it) and my brain died after I wrote this little bit.

**Author's Note:**

> I thought there should be more fics on here featuring Reid melting down because even though it's a sucky thing for an autistic it's basically the mind's safety hatch, and let's be honest, working for the FBI is hella stressful. And keep in mind, as of right now this is unedited and written through that weird haze of exhaustion. I'll look it over sometime in the morning.


End file.
